Guess what? In 2 short weeks (or less!), you’ll be meeting your baby sister, God willing! People always ask if you know what’s going on and whether or not you’re excited. I tell them that you understand there is a baby in my tummy, but I don’t know how much you realize that our lives are going to change. But then again, I don’t even know how our lives will look as a family of four. I’m sure it will be crazy for awhile, but hopefully a good crazy. Despite your excitement, I know that my pregnancy has still been a transition for you. Perhaps just on a subconscious level but I know that this impending change has been a lot on you. Your very pregnant mommy coupled with starting preschool this fall has sent our family through a somewhat rocky season. This rough patch is sort of unexpected because you’ve been nothing but happy about both recent changes, but I guess change is still change and its not always welcome.
One major change is that you’ve turned our otherwise good sleeper into a chronic middle of the night waker, on your worst nights waking up to 6 times a night. I know you just want a little extra comfort from mommy and I’m sorry for the times you got a grumpy woman instead. I know you don’t understand, but I too need rest. Rest makes us happy! As of last week, daddy has taken over the night wakings because mommy’s big belly does not want to roll in and out of bed multiple times a night. I’ve been super thankful for his help! You’ve been getting better as well…sort of. Every night is a gamble! Hoping for a good night tonight :)
When not throwing fits at night, we’ve also been dealing with tons of whining during the day. Maybe your bad night sleeping results in a crankier you during the day, but I also sense that you act out to get my attention. What makes me sad is that when you aren’t cooperating with me, I also act out in my sinful flesh and get so frustrated. It’s ironic that you acting out to seek more attention often times pushes me away. I wish that you could trust that I love you and I wish I were more sensitive to your needs. If only it were so easy, but love is messy sometimes. But please be patient with me son, I’m learning.
I’ve also been asking for more help from your grandma who is SUPER grandma by the way. She loves you SO much and you love playing with her, but sometimes you still just want mommy. I remember one day grandma was watching you while I went to Trader Joes alone and when I came home, you used the expression “I’m more sad. Mommy no get food, mommy stay home.” In the past, I’ve heard you say “i’m sad,” but this was the first time you said “more” sad. It broke my heart. I fear that you might feel that I’m neglecting you when I ask for other’s help, but Zachy, know that I love you so so much. Mommy needs extra grace while baby sister is growing inside me.
When your sister arrives, I’m sure we’ll have to work through more transitions and I want to make sure you don’t feel second class in anyway. I hope we can all learn to show one another grace, and trust God will carry us through our toughest days. At the end of the day, you’ll always be my forever baby, crazy and all :P